thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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