I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
