I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
