accomplished twins. life is a go
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
