Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can you bring me the toilet please
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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