I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i love accidental penises.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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