I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
