some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry about my life...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
