so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
