Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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