I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
