Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
