tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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