I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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