my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I supernannyed him into submission
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
