a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
