so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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