When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just invented taco cereal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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