I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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