My room smells like vodka and shame
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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