Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
