bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
