I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
