You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
