Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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