If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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