omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
