And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm like, not good at living.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
