Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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