i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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