the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
