Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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