Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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