dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I would fuck him just for his dog
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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