just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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