i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
