My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
