would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
