Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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