i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
