I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am available for nakedness
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
