I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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