Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
