they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
