I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
