; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
