got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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