I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
