is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
