The maid of honor just puked.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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