I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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