hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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