wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Your penis caused this!
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