508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
