so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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