I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
