I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
