Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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