this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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