you traded sex for a burrito?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize