I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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